Being vetti!

Lot of difficult choices to make these days. Watch movie, call friends, roam about, sleep, eat, keep gaping at Facebook, keep checking all tweets, there is just so much to do and so little time! God, it is tough to be vetti! But I keep reminding myself that life is complicated like that, only the test of fire makes fine steel, and that it is important during these difficult times to stick to the basics and hold on. So I just do two things basically - Watch TV and sleep. If I'm too bored of watching TV, then I sleep. If I'm too bored of sleeping, then I watch TV. Keeping it simple. Yeah, I'm talented that way. Next. Rest.

Post exam plans and forecasts!

So what do I do now that I've got nothing to do? Apart from indulging in the cardinal sins of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride, what can I possibly do to get wasted after getting pissed? Here are some potential plans followed by forecasts of the 'weathermanastrologer' on what'll actually happen.

Plan: Eat, sleep, work out and nourish the body.
Forecast: Clouds suggest that there is a certainty that I will get pissed, sleep like I'm on drugs and neglect good food.

Plan: Watch and enjoy movies, probably start thinking about a script to work on.
Forecast: The low depression in South Andhra suggests there is an 80% possibility of this happening.

Plan: Work on the blog and probably on a website.
Forecast: Definite possibility of this happening.

Plan: Travel to various places, preferably where the weather is cool.
Forecast: The retreating monsoon promises definite possibility of this happening and a good accompanying shower.

Plan: Visit friends, trouble them with persistent presence. Give so much trouble to family that they would never complain again about me not visiting them.
Forecast: What instruments we have agree that it is going to be a hard cold winter for my friends and relatives.

Till next season, stay indoors, stay safe :)

Exams end, but questions remain.

Why do I want to become a civil servant? The Mains exam this time is over and the results notwithstanding, I have made up my mind that this is what I want. To become a civil servant. Why?

- Social anger. Every time I board a train, buy a ticket or watch a cinema, I find so many things that disturb me. The sea of humanity that I see in electric trains everyday look like they're standing in a queue to file out petitions asking for help. Poverty, disease, disability, unemployment! So you feel like you want to help. How? Volunteer, agitate, through activism and all that. It requires far too much effort, will power and grit and the effect is far too minimal. The best way to contribute is through effective policies and its efficient implementation. Being a civil servant gives you that scope.

- Another reason - all other things are taken care of. You have a respectable, stable job, your parents are happy, there is decent money to be made (scrupulously), the job is interesting, you are exposed to a lot of avenues for self-improvement. And the chief thing, studying for it is a pleasure. As much as I complain and dramatise about the studying experience, I know in my heart that I'd rather study more than 12 hours a day for civil services than slog in a corporate job for 9 hours. The portions, questions and the whole process is damn enjoyable. And of course there is the uncertainty factor - you may get in or you may not. That provides the extra spice to the whole dish.

That's that then. I'm working to become a bloody bureaucrat.

And then, there were none!

The civil services Main exam has come to a close. God, it was like the close of commonwealth games. Couldn't wait to get out of it. I had nine papers and therefore the following poem inspired by the nursery rhyme 'ten little indians' and of course, Agatha Christie.

Nine little exams had me studying late,

One was a bummer and then there were eight;

Eight little exams were too difficult to govern,

One had general questions, left were seven;

Seven little exams demanding many tricks,

One was an essay, so there were six;

Six little exams made me nose dive,

English came to the rescue and then there were five;

Five little exams made me all sore,

Hindi almost choked me and then there were four;

Four little exams, let them all mighty be,

Was prepared for history, so left were three;

Three little exams still, Oh what shall I do?

Wrote some story and then there were two;

Two little exams haunting like an Injun,

Literature was not bad, and then there was one;

One little exam between me and fun,

Scribbled something out and then, there were none! :)

Pre-exam nerves!

I've got my IAS Mains exam this Saturday. I've been preparing hard for it but as the exam inches closer, my studying hours become lesser.

Today - 10 a.m - Woke up, listened to some songs.

11 a.m - Called my friend who is also preparing for Mains.
Me: 'Hey I feel very lazy to study today, what are you doing?'
Friend: 'I just woke up, will call you after brushing.'
Me to myself: Okay, let me just watch one movie inspirational video and then I'll start studying.

1 p.m - Half the day is gone, will have to start studying now. Opened laptop. Then out of sheer instinct, my fingers just opened Facebook! Then Twitter! And then, yes, Youtube and Gmail!

3 p.m - Call from another friend - 'Macha we have booked tickets for the Diwali release day after tomorrow. It's a night show, so don't give some lame excuse. Just turn up at the theatre by 9pm.'
Me: 'Fine, will see you there.'
Him: 'And we play football in the evening, come there, we'll have dinner and leave together for the movie.'
Me: 'Okay'
Him: 'And I've got some fancy crackers this time, I'll bring them to your home in the morning, we'll have fun'
Me: 'Oh! You're welcome any time.'
Him: 'Okay, I have to get back, Happy Diwali!'
Me: 'Hey...' Call disconnected!

6.45 p.m: Me to my IAS friend: 'Mate what are you doing?'
Him: 'Watching TV only. I'll start studying by six.'
Me: 'But it's 6.45 now'
Him: 'What? Ah, yes. Okay then I'll start by seven. What are you going to do?'
Me: 'Uhm... Just watch another inspirational video, I guess.'

___

My war cry - 'seri seri'!

Timing is the strong suit of the funny-type. Especially when the 'being funny' part hangs on a punchline or a well used verse. It all hangs on hitting it at the right moment. It'd help then if you can float like a butterfly through all the conversation and at the right moment tickle like a feather. If you get the timing wrong, instead of a feathery tickle, the punchline might sting like a bee. And wasn't there this wise guy who wrote 1330 couplets and in his 129th said - A fella'd forgive a timely punch but not an unsolicited punchline? .

And if you're daring enough to start narrating a cliched storyline and a familiar endline to a repeat audience and still expect them not to sigh or yawn (which is like balancing a Yokozuna and Keira Kneightley on a see-saw), then the result hangs, overwhelmingly, on getting the timing absolutely right.

So one of my very standard dialogues is 'seri seri' - meaning 'okay okay'. This is the deadly sword that nips a boring narration at the bud. The most important aspect of using this weapon is to sense and seize that perfect moment when its effect will be most lethal. Let's understand with an example. Suppose a friend Mr.X usually talks much, and the talk is often self-absorbed, it means it's time you start honing your weapon for he's the right kind of prey. When he starts stuff like 'When I went to Bangalore on my', just grab the moment when he pauses to take a breath or recollect things and use your weapon - say 'seri seri, let's go get coffee.' With the right timing, he'd be flustered, angry because he really wants to say it but you have cut him abruptly but not rudely. Job done. He'd just have to catch his tongue, stem the flow of words and swallow the boring story. You have just succeeded in making him swallow his own bitter boring pill. Of course he'd give you a look which would make you feel as if your sorry arse has been incinerated deep down the ground and is writhing in agony. But hey, you'll also feel the brimming satisfaction of stopping a boring story and saving your fellow mates from a tiring half hour. The next time some wearisome storyteller appears on the scene, your companions would look at you, achingly, filled with hope, for you to wear your shining armour, yell seri seri and save them from the depths of an ultimate drag. But remember, it all hangs on getting the timing right. If you're a moment late, your voice gets drowned in his chatter, a moment early and you appear like a rude fool. Timing, guys, is of essence.

One war cry for all blasphemous borers - simple, effective and artful. Seri seri - enough is enough.

On falling sick after getting drenched!

I got drenched in rain a few days ago and quite liked it. The next day, I went around my routine sneezing and the day after, fell sick. I do understand that it would've been tough for the rainman to digest that a few guys were rejoicing when he was working his ass off, co-ordinating the clouds and wind and sending down batch after batch of rainwater. It is like when you have your holidays but your dearest play-mate has his exams going on. You are bored but you flaunt even your boredom to piss him off. And he considers the most rhetoric of flaunts to be the irresistible of tempting devils. This time likewise, the rainman seems to have taken it a bit too personally, my rejoicing seems to have been perceived as a taunt. As if telling me to behave, he seems to have sent a few drops of raindrops on me with some deadly bugs. I know what he was thinking then. 'You cockroach, you enjoy my shower alright and you go and put a post on your silly blog about it to rub salt in my wound? Eat this, then. Go influenza, corynebacterium and staphylococci!!!' Yeah. You've had it. I fell sick. You got me by the balls. You win. Wait till I taunt you next time with a raincoat on.