Pani puriye sivam

Pani puri is divine. Among all the celestial chaats found in the universe, Pani puri reigns supreme. Made up of that crunchy crispy crust, a delicious potato mash mantle and a tangy, hot pani core, this chatpata explosion will rock your palette and will mutate your sense of taste forever. If you believe in the holy powers of Pani puri and hail HIM to be the supreme prophet to have ever come into the world and frequently visit any of HIS places of worship (I'm a regular at the Pani puri shrine in Nungambakam High Road outside Karishma sarees showroom, Chennai), then you're in the right path that leads to Nirvana. That fuzzy halo which comes around your head when you munch on the golgappas would one day turn bright and lead you to enlightenment. I do strongly recommend all the devotees in Chennai to take a weekly pilgrimage to the Nungambakam High Road shrine.

While it is acceptable to pay your obeisance to HIS cousins bhel puri and dahi puri, do not ever incur the wrath of the Almighty by favouring the Satan trinity of Caesar salad, Arugampul juice (Bermuda grass extract) and Protein shake.

Remember also to chant this secret prayer once a day, O' faithful ones:

Golgappaooo akbar illahee,
Protein shakeee-il-shaithaan;
Pani puryaha kamal hassan shivam,
Arugampullaha nasser rakshas;
Watery Indian Bread, hallowed be thy name,
Caesar salad shall thee burn in hell.

...Amen... (open your mouth wide like eating a pani puri while doing this!)

I hereby also call upon my faithful brothers and sisters who worship HIM in varied incarnations such as Pani puri, golgappa, phuchka, gup chup, watery indian bread, crisp sphere eaten etc., to unite and start a Jihad (for militants) or Satyagraha (fast by eating only pani puri until death, for moderates) and condemn all the faithless blackguard-ism in the world.